Meghan Trainor: The night I hit my breaking point after having my 2nd child

Meghan Trainor is a pop star and mom of two young sons, Barry and Riley. In an essay for TODAY.com, she shares her experience managing her mental health as a mom, following the U.S. Surgeon General’s warning that today’s parents are facing a mental health crisis. Trainor spoke to us on behalf of Bobbie, the infant feeding company, which teamed up with the singer for a campaign called “Ask For Help,” which aims to shed light on the challenges moms face in the postpartum period.

A month after having my second baby, I hit a breaking point. I’ll never forget it, it’s like it was yesterday — I’m sweating, just thinking about it. I was holding Barry, my newborn, and he was crying and crying. My husband was with our toddler, Riley, putting him to bed, so I was alone with Barry and he would not stop crying and then I was crying. I was having a panic attack and I was just over-exhausted, but I felt like I was dying. I felt if I stood up, I would pass out. I didn’t feel safe holding the baby and at the same time I felt like my body was giving up on me.

I said to my husband, “Daryl, I need help.” And he said, “Yeah, I’m here, no worries.” And I said, “No, no, no, something’s wrong. I need you to take the baby and I need to make some calls. I need to call my mom. I need to call a doctor. I need help.”

So I called everyone. I knew I would get through it, but I needed to hear from my support team that I would get through it. My doctor wrote me a prescription for a medication that would help me that night. I took it and I felt much better. But I know a lot of other moms don’t have that support, or don’t feel like they do, so I can’t imagine how that night turns out for them. It’s frightening and sad.

When the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory warning of a mental health crisis among stressed-out parents in August 2024 — about a year after that night I had — I thought, “Yes, of course.” That’s not surprising to me. Having a kid is the hardest thing. When I talk to other moms about it, I’m like, “Isn’t this traumatic and crazy?” And we’re expected to walk around like we’re fine. That’s why I want to share my own experience — to show other moms that they’re not alone, and also to encourage them to ask for help and seek support. That means being honest about my own support system.

I get asked in every single interview, “You just do it all! You tour, you have your whole career, you have the perfect family, an amazing life, and you always seem happy. How do you do it?!” And I always answer: “Therapy, my antidepressants and my entire team.” I am blessed to be in this situation. I have an incredible nanny who’s here Monday through Friday. My mother lives down the street from me and is always there for me. My husband is also so supportive. My managers and my team are my family — they’re at my house all the time and making sure my schedule is kids-first, then work. And I have incredible doctors.

Our pediatrician is the one who looked at me when I was trying to breastfeed Barry and said, “Hey, you can stop now. I’m looking at you and Daryl and you look exhausted. You look defeated. It’s totally OK to have formula.” Pumping was impossible. I took all the supplements and drank all the teas and ate the cookies, and I tried everything to get milk. I struggled making milk the first time, too, but I’d heard from other moms that you might get more milk the second time around. So I decided to try again even though it was my nightmare. That doctor saved me that day by giving me permission to stop.

After my first pregnancy, my therapist is the one who diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder. It was months after the birth and I was having nightmares that I was still on the surgical table and I could feel the doctor’s hands inside of me. She said, “Right, so this is a form of PTSD and we’re going to have to talk through this, and get through this.”

I was on antidepressants before I had kids. I’m kind of grateful that I had mental health issues before going into pregnancy. I had already figured out how my brain works. Going into pregnancy, I knew I would need to ask for help and be prepared. I talked to my psychiatrist and said, “Hey, I’m on this medication you prescribed me. Is it safe for pregnancy?” We made adjustments, and I talked to my OB-GYN, and we were all on the same page. I stayed on antidepressants throughout both pregnancies. After my first C-section, my baby, Riley, had to go right to the NICU. There was no name for what happened to him — he just didn’t wake up. In the hospital, a lot of the nurses would look at me and say, “Oh, it’s probably because of your antidepressants.” My doctors and my psychiatrist reassured me that wasn’t true.

But then, during my second pregnancy, every day I was questioning myself — was that why Riley went to the NICU? I felt crazy. But I again stayed on my antidepressants the whole time, and my second baby was also also born via C-section and came out crying — perfect. So I thought, “OK, so it probably wasn’t my antidepressants.” But it was such a crazy experience, and I don’t wish that on any other mom. (Editor’s note: Doctors tell TODAY.com that antidepressants are generally safe during pregnancy and that women who are taking them before pregnancy are encouraged to stay on them if they become or are trying to become pregnant, as untreated depression typically poses greater risks.)

The second time around, I learned to speak up more about what I needed. My husband and I communicate about everything, even it’s ruthless and honest. I told him that during our first postpartum experience, getting up equally as much as him didn’t feel fair, because I was recovering from a major surgery. I said, “I never told you, but I definitely resented you while you were sleeping and I was pumping and in pain.” So for our second baby, he got up all night, every night, with Barry, and fed him formula.

Being a parent isn’t easy — especially not today. And yet, being a mom is my favorite thing in the world. Parents just need more support. I want four kids and I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I know that’s what my heart really wants, so I’m going to figure it out with my team of soldiers and angels around me. We will find a way.

If you’re a parent and feel like you can’t ask for help, know that you can. Even if it’s as small as asking a friend or your partner or your pets, talk to somebody — get it out. If you feel like you’re drowning, there are life rafts, I promise. You will be OK as long as you ask for help.

As told to Rheana Murray. This interview has been edited.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com