Man Says Girlfriend Thinks He’s ‘Invading Her Privacy’ When He Invites People Over to Pick Up Items ‘Really Quick’
“I just get a sense that my girlfriend hates visitors regardless of if I ask her about it or not,” the Reddit user, 30, wrote
A perplexed man is wondering if he’s invading his girlfriend’s privacy.
The man, 30, turned to Reddit’s popular “Am I the A——” forum to ask if he should have to ask his girlfriend, 28, for permission every time someone comes over “for a second“ to the house they recently bought together.
“An issue that keeps coming up is that my gf keeps saying I’m letting others invade her privacy by having guests like family members, friends, etc., stop by my house for a brief moment even though I let her know in advance,” the man explained. “They’re usually there to just pick up a tool I borrowed, give me an item really quick, stuff like that.”
He continued, “Sometimes a friend will call and say ‘Hey I’m in your area, do you mind if I come pick up my bike I left at your house?’ to which I’ll say, ‘Yeah sure no problem.’ Then I’ll let my girlfriend know.”
He shared that his girlfriend will “get mad because I’m not asking her if it’s ok before I agree.”
“I understand planning an event, having guests over for a longer period of time, a get together, but someone just coming over for a second?” he asked, noting that he doesn’t think he should have to ask “permission” as long as he makes it clear who’s coming over, as well as when they will be arriving.
The man also admitted that he would feel “strange” telling potential guests that he needs to “check with my girlfriend” before even the briefest of visits, adding that “no one I know” does the same.
“Am I the a——?” he asked fellow Redditors.
One commenter needed more information before forming an opinion, asking, “Are these folks coming in to socialize? Or is it literally pop by to grab something then head out? Is she expected to interact?”
The original poster responded, “They will socialize for a minute because they are there already, but half the time they aren’t even coming inside. We’ll just chat in the yard or at the front door. If they need to use the bathroom or something I’ll let them come in, but I just get a sense that my girlfriend hates visitors regardless of if I ask her about it or not.”
Another person proclaimed the boyfriend is “not the a——.”
“I would see a difference between people popping by and stopping for a significant amount of time but just to pick something up? Seems like she’s making a mountain out of a molehill — unless there’s a specific reason like having people come by when she’s already ready for bed, or is ill or something. In which case, I’d say you’d better read the room,” the commenter wrote before providing a potential solution.
“But on the other hand, to keep peace then I’d do her the courtesy of saying, ‘Hey, is it ok if X pops by in a few mins’ rather than texting X back first and notifying her,” they added, which 70 people upvoted.
Yet another commenter shared that they relate to the man’s girlfriend in this scenario, and also advocated for a compromise.
“As someone who really doesn’t like having anyone drop in without notice, I get where your girlfriend is coming from, but living together means that both of you need to compromise on this sort of thing,” they wrote. “I.e, she needs to let the drop by happen, but you need to make sure it’s a drop by, and not a drop IN. Have a quick chat at the door and then send them on their way–no coming in for a coffee or a beer.”
