I’m about to turn 40, and people say I’ll regret being child-free. I won’t.

• Jodie Humphries, 39, is constantly being asked when she’ll settle down and have children.
• It annoys her to constantly have to refute those claiming she’ll regret not getting pregnant.
• She says she’s “happily childless” because of the choices she’s made in her life.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jodie Humphries. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I turn 40 next March, so I’m at the age where I’m relatively often asked when I’ll have kids.

I’m mostly asked by older female relatives, usually at big family gatherings when my brothers’ kids are there, though some men ask me, too. The conversation turns to when my mom will be made a grandma again.

They actually asked more in my earlier 30s — some give up asking the question now, thankfully. It’s annoying, but it’s honestly nobody’s business. This ridiculous expectation is still put on women that having children must be our greatest wish. Some with old-school views are surprised that some women don’t want them.

Some women also can’t have kids, which is a source of anguish, and it puts them unfairly on the spot to ask.

People still keep pushing, though. I haven’t had a partner for years, so they’ll say: “Well, you’re not going to have kids now, are you?”

Single people have kids all the time, and if I wanted to have kids on my own, I could — via IVF, for example. But that’s prohibitively expensive, so at this point, I’m not.

I’m childless because of my choices, and I’m happy this way

I say I’m not childless by choice, but I’m happily childless by the choices I’ve made in life.

I’ve had one serious relationship, and it lasted a few years. It taught me how much work I needed to do before getting into another one. This has led me to be single by choice and not invested in searching for a partner for over 10 years.

I didn’t want to become a single parent by choice. If I were going to have kids, it’d be with a partner. Since I wasn’t actively looking, it meant being childless. I’m fine with that.

If a future partner wanted children, I’d be open to the discussion. Many changes would need to happen for me to accommodate kids in my life. Right now, that’s not a priority for me. I’m content and will be fine if it never happens. I have a cute dog who keeps me happy and occupied. I have two nieces and two nephews. Maybe there’d be more of a yearning if they weren’t in my life. Christmas is a whole new adventure once the children come back around.

Friends my age know this is a no-go topic for group conversations. We’ve come to realize that asking women is invasive. They could be trying and struggling, or they could’ve suffered miscarriages. It’s sensitive. It’s best for close friendships in one-to-one conversations. My best friend has the same mindset as me about kids, and that helps us bond.

I don’t think people should assume women will regret not having kids

Those same older female relatives will say I’ll regret not having my own children. It’s condescending; men don’t get told this. I won’t regret it — I’ve seen how hard it is raising children through my brothers and friends. Friends who had kids in their 20s have been honest about the challenges: the mental toll, the energy drain, and having to incorporate the children’s relationship with their father if they split.

Having kids isn’t a duty I need to fulfill as a woman; it should be a decision made thoughtfully and wholeheartedly. I don’t want to impose my personal, emotional, or financial issues onto another human. I need to work out my crap and how to look after myself properly before even considering the idea of kids.

The most common response is: who’ll look after you when you’re older? Not having children doesn’t mean I don’t have people around who love me. And having children doesn’t guarantee you’ll have people looking after you as you age.

Then there’s the world you’d bring this child into. I occasionally despair at what’s ahead for my nieces and nephews: the impact on them of the internet, social media, lack of action around the climate crisis, and the tough political and economic climate.

Women like me without children are sometimes treated as objects of sympathy. We shouldn’t be. I can wake up when I want and socialize when I want. I could call a friend and have coffee in an hour, or jump on a plane next week to another country. And still have some money left over afterward. I don’t think that’s a case for pity. I’ll wake up at 40 feeling happy about those things.