Adults Are Revealing The Seemingly Innocent Childhood Behaviors That Were Actually Signs They Needed Help, And It’s Heartbreaking
Warning: This post mentions physical and sexual abuse.
Trauma can take many forms, and often, the ways we learn to cope are shaped in childhood. Unfortunately, the coping mechanisms we develop early on, though they may seem harmless at the time, aren’t always as benign as they appear.
It’s usually not until adulthood that we begin to recognize how these habits may have caused more harm than good.
The realization can be jarring: something that once brought comfort or stability might have actually been a quiet signal of distress.
A recent post on the r/AskReddit subreddit asked: “What’s a ‘harmless’ habit you had as a kid that you realize now was a cry for help?” The responses reveal how survival instincts can develop at a young age, with many people only gaining the clarity to understand them much later in life.
1.”Being so independent. Never asking for help, even when I really needed help. From a young age, I realized no one was going to help me, so I just figured it all out by myself. Not a great way to get through adolescence…could have really used a grown-up with my best interests in mind.”
2.”Feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions and being praised for ‘bringing joy’ to people.”
3.”Constant maladaptive daydreaming. Most of my childhood was spent in my head.”
4.”Always saying and thinking, ‘Other people have it worse.'”
5.”Constantly reading books to escape my reality. It was the only thing that made me happy. Everyone was so, so mean to me as a child.”
6.”Staying in my room, not interacting with family.”
7.”In elementary school, I would go to the nurse every single day (usually after recess) about a stomach ache. It was to the point where if I didn’t go on a certain day, she would notice. Now, I know exactly what the stomach ache was caused by. Anxiety. I had no idea what was happening, and my family never bothered to really look into it, but yep, I had severe, untreated anxiety as a kid and now I feel so bad for that little girl.”
8.”Not wanting to shower. It started after I had been sexually abused. That combined with sleeping in my clothes, and a stomach ache that never went away. If my parents had heard those cries for help, maybe I would have opened up to them about the abuse.”
9.”I’ve learned not to cry in certain situations when people yell at me, learned this during my childhood when I used to get in trouble a lot.”
10.”Seeking constant approval.”
11.”I would take a five or seven-hour nap right when I got home from school to not have to deal with my family, then sit alone by myself all night while they slept.”
12.”Wetting the bed. I am 42 now. I did this until my teen years. Was physically and sexually abused. A teenager wetting the bed would be a huge red flag these days for abuse. Back in the ’80s and early ’90s, my pediatrician didn’t bat an eye and blamed me.”
13.”Starting around age 8, I absolutely had to have some sort of noise in my room when I went to bed. Usually, it was the radio. As time went on, I had to have noise around me at all times. If I didn’t, I’d have a panic attack.”
“It took until age 17 before I understood why I needed noise so badly. My father was very verbally abusive, and in my mind, noise was normal, and silence was something to be feared. If the house was quiet, he was gearing up for his next explosion, and we never knew when it would happen.
I finally overcame my fear of silence two or three years ago, in my late 30s. It took a double ear infection and a week of sheer terror, but I can be somewhere silent finally. I can even sleep through the night without a peep.”
14.”Saying ‘no thanks’ or that ‘I’m not hungry’ to toys and snacks when my parents offered, because I knew we were poor, and I felt like it was just one way to help my parents save money. I was like 8.”
15.”I used to stay up late, take long showers, etc., to think. I thought that if I thought about something enough, I would find an answer or a way to make things feel better. Now it’s just turned into hyper-focusing on issues which cause extreme stress and anxiety.”
16.”Precociousness. Adults related to my conversation more than others of my age. Later, I met a romantic partner who had the same experience for different reasons: she wasn’t being abused the same way I was, but had parents who suffered from alcoholism, so from age 12 onward she basically had to handle the ‘adulting’ of cooking, cleaning, tending to her younger siblings, and so on. Is it weird to think I got off easier?”
17.”Staying awake late into the night because I’d be stuck in a prayer spiral of thanking God for everything and asking him to protect me, then throwing in some Hail Mary when I did ask God for something, and feeling immense guilt if I forgot to pray for someone and then having to offer up special intentions for them the next night.”
18.”Apologizing like everything was my fault since I always got blamed for everything. A friend called me out recently for apologizing for something that I had no part in, and I realized what I’ve been doing all these years.”
19.”Needing to be the best at everything and literally crashing out to the point of full-on meltdowns and panic attacks if I was just average. I was so scared of being a disappointment or bringing shame on my family. I’m now a uni dropout with an average job, still learning to drive, no huge future plans, a minimal social life, and a repetitive routine, but I’m so much happier for it. I’m proud of myself and my personal accomplishments, I’m proud that I’ve learned to find joy in everything I choose to do, even if I’m not the highest earner, the smartest, or the most talented.”
If you have a similar story or experience, share it in the comments if you feel comfortable. Or, use the anonymous form below. Who knows, your story could help someone else feel seen or understood.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453(4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
