13 ‘Nice’ Things Narcissists Say When They’re Setting the Stage for Manipulation

Narcissists are masters of disguise, wrapping manipulation in pretty packaging that can fool even the most discerning people. These sweet-sounding phrases might make your heart flutter at first, but they’re actually carefully crafted tools designed to control, isolate, and manipulate you. Let’s get into them.

1. “You Are The Most Important Thing In My Life.”

When a narcissist puts you on this pedestal, it feels amazing at first, as explained by Verywell Mind. Who doesn’t want to be someone’s priority? But watch how quickly that pedestal becomes a prison. This declaration isn’t about honoring your importance—it’s about creating an impossible standard you now have to maintain.

Notice how they get upset when you spend time with others or pursue your own interests. That’s because this statement comes with invisible strings attached. They’ve appointed you as their “everything,” which means you’re now responsible for their happiness, their emotional regulation, and their sense of security. If you fail at this impossible task, you’ll be reminded how you’re not living up to being “the most important thing.”

2. “I’m The Only One Who Really Understands You.”

This phrase feels incredibly validating, especially if you’ve ever felt misunderstood. It creates an immediate intimate bond that feels special and unique. But what the narcissist is actually doing is laying groundwork to isolate you from others who genuinely care about you.

Pay attention to how they gradually dismiss your friends’ and family’s perspectives. “They just don’t get you like I do” becomes a refrain that slowly ruins your other relationships. This apparent deep understanding is actually a tool to make you dependent on them for validation and emotional connection. The narcissist isn’t trying to understand you—they’re studying you to better predict and control your responses.

3. “I Would Die Without You.”

This declaration sounds like the ultimate romantic commitment—something straight out of a movie that makes your heart skip a beat. It feels like proof of how deeply they care, how essential you are to their very existence. But this phrase is actually one of the most manipulative in the narcissist’s toolkit.

What they’re really doing is making you responsible for their emotional wellbeing and even their survival. As Psychology Today notes, it creates a terrifying burden where leaving becomes nearly impossible because they’ve convinced you it would destroy them. This emotional hostage-taking ensures you stay, no matter how bad things get. Real love empowers both people to be whole individuals—it doesn’t threaten collapse if one person needs space or wants to leave.

4. “I’m Just Being Honest Because I Care About You.”

This phrase often precedes some of the most hurtful comments you’ll ever receive. As Psych Central explains, it’s the perfect shield for delivering criticism, insults, or “harsh truths” while positioning the narcissist as just being helpful. After all, they’re doing this out of care, right? How could you possibly be upset about that?

The reality is that genuine constructive feedback comes with empathy and respect, not brutal delivery disguised as a favor. Notice how their “honesty” tends to focus on your flaws rather than balanced observations, and how it often comes when you’re already feeling vulnerable. True caring means being mindful of how feedback is delivered, not using “honesty” as a free pass to tear you down while making themselves feel superior for being so “truthful.”

5. “No One Will Ever Love You Like I Do.”

This sounds like the ultimate romantic declaration—a promise of unique, unmatched love that no one else could possibly provide. Your heart might melt hearing this, especially if you’ve struggled with feeling lovable. But listen carefully to what’s really being said here.

This statement isn’t actually about how much they love you—it’s about isolating you from the possibility of other love. They’re planting the seed that you won’t find better, that their “special” love (even with all its problems) is the best you can hope for. It’s designed to keep you accepting poor treatment because you believe the alternative is being alone forever. Real love doesn’t need to compare itself to hypothetical others or convince you that you’re unlovable to everyone else.

6. “I Just Want What’s Best For Us.”

This phrase sounds selfless and team-oriented—who could argue with wanting what’s best? It positions the narcissist as thoughtful and focused on the relationship, not just themselves. But watch closely for what follows this statement, because there’s usually a catch.

What’s “best for us” almost always aligns perfectly with what the narcissist wanted anyway. It’s a way to frame their preferences as mutual decisions while dismissing your objections as not being team-oriented. Pay attention to how often “what’s best for us” actually requires you to give up something important to you, while they sacrifice little. This phrase turns their self-serving choices into relationship care, making you feel selfish for questioning them.

7. “You’re The Only One Who Gets Me.”

When someone tells you this, it feels like you’ve been singled out for your special insight and understanding. It creates an exclusive bond that feels meaningful and deep. As Charlie Health points out, the narcissist is positioning you as uniquely qualified to understand their complex inner world—something apparently no one else has managed to do.

But this apparent compliment is actually setting you up to excuse bad behavior. Now when they act in ways others find concerning, you’re expected to see the deeper reasons others miss. You become their translator and defender, explaining away actions that make others uncomfortable. This “special understanding” becomes a full-time job of rationalizing increasingly problematic behavior while they make less and less effort to be understood by anyone else.

8. “I’ve Never Felt This Way About Anyone Before.”

This declaration feels incredibly special. They’re telling you you’ve awakened something unique in them, something no previous partner ever could. You must be extraordinary to inspire such unprecedented feelings. It makes the relationship feel destined and significant in a way that’s hard to walk away from.

Look closer, though, and you might notice they said similar things to their ex (whom they now describe as “crazy” or “impossible”). This line creates a false sense of exclusivity and specialness that makes you tolerate treatment you normally wouldn’t accept. When the relationship inevitably hits challenges, you’ll cling to this early declaration, convinced you share something too rare to lose. Meanwhile, the narcissist has moved the goalposts, making you chase that initial feeling they claimed only you could inspire.

9. “Remember How Bad Things Were Before You Met Me?”

This question seems caring on the surface—they’re acknowledging your journey and how far you’ve come together. It feels like they’re celebrating your growth and the positive changes in your life since the relationship began. Who doesn’t appreciate someone noticing their progress?

What’s actually happening is a subtle rewriting of your history. The narcissist is gradually convincing you that your pre-relationship life was worse than it actually was, while positioning themselves as your savior. This creates a dangerous dependency where you believe your happiness and success stem from them rather than your own capabilities. Each time they remind you of your supposedly terrible “before,” they’re reinforcing that you need them to avoid returning to that state—even if your past was perfectly fine or even better in many ways.

10. “I’m Just Worried They Might Take Advantage Of Your Kindness.”

On the surface, this sounds like protective care from someone who wants to shield you from potential harm. It feels like they’re looking out for you and noticing subtle dynamics you might have missed. After all, they’re just expressing concern for your wellbeing, right?

But this “observation” is actually targeted at isolating you from people they perceive as threats to their control. Notice how these warnings typically come after you’ve connected positively with someone. The narcissist frames your friendly, open nature as naivety that makes you vulnerable, rather than a strength. Over time, this plants seeds of doubt about your own judgment and makes you second-guess relationships that could provide support and perspective outside the narcissist’s influence.

11. “I’ve Changed So Much For You—No One Has Ever Inspired Me Like This Before.”

When someone tells you you’ve motivated them to become better in ways no one else ever could, it feels incredibly powerful. They’re crediting you with their personal growth and positive changes, making you feel like you have a uniquely beneficial influence on their life. It’s flattering to think you’ve helped someone improve themselves.

But this apparent compliment creates several traps. First, it puts pressure on you to keep “inspiring” them, making their personal development your responsibility. Second, it creates a debt—you now owe them loyalty because they’ve “changed for you.” Finally, it sets up the threat that without you, they’ll revert to worse behavior. Notice how these claimed changes often disappear during conflicts, only to be temporarily resurrected when they need to remind you of your special impact.

12. “Everything I Do, I Do With You In Mind.”

This sounds like the ultimate devotion—someone who considers you in every decision, who centers their choices around your happiness and wellbeing. It creates the impression of a partner who is constantly thinking of you, making sacrifices and adjustments to prioritize your needs. How could you not be touched by such apparent selflessness?

Look closer at what they claim to do “with you in mind,” though. Often, this phrase appears when they’ve made a unilateral decision that serves their interests, not yours. It’s a preemptive defense against your disappointment or disagreement. By claiming you were the motivation, they make questioning their choices seem ungrateful. Real consideration involves actual consultation before decisions, not claiming you were the inspiration for choices you had no input on.

13. “I Thought We Were A Team—I Only Made That Decision For Us.”

This appeal to partnership feels reasonable—teams make decisions with the unit in mind, not just individual preferences. The narcissist positions themselves as thinking about the collective good, making you seem selfish for questioning their unilateral move. After all, they were just trying to act in the spirit of togetherness.

But real teams consult each other. They don’t make major decisions alone and then retroactively claim team spirit as the motivation. This phrase typically appears when they’ve overstepped boundaries or made choices that primarily benefit themselves. The invocation of “teamwork” is meant to silence your objections and make you doubt your right to autonomy. True partnership balances individual needs with mutual goals—it doesn’t use “us” as cover for “me.”