6 Things That Seem Important—Until You Realize They’re Not
At 41, I’ve realized that the best thing about getting older is that you stop caring about frivolous matters. You realize how much time, energy, and money are wasted on drama and things that don’t matter.
There’s a true feeling of tranquility that comes with focusing on things which bring joy, peace, and fulfillment. Here are six things to stop stressing over.
Most of your belongings
My buddy couldn’t stop bragging about his new hot tub before it even arrived. It had neon lights, fancy jets and all the bells and whistles you could ask for.
Less than a year later, I came to his house and noticed his backyard no longer had a hot tub.
I asked, “What happened to the hot tub?”
He smiled and said, “There is a saying about hot tubs I learned too late.”
“The second best day of your life— is the day you get a hot tub.”
“The best day of your life — is the day you get rid of the hot tub.”
He said, “That hot tub was a nightmare to own. It kept having mechanical issues. I had to monitor its levels all the time.” Eventually, he decided to resell it and get back as much money as possible.
For further context, roughly 69% of Americans have less than $1000 in savings. Yet so many are still putting stupid purchases on their credit cards, things they objectively don’t need, like hot tubs.
I’ve always kept a phrase I heard from a friend: “I try not to look for ways to spend money.”
Instead, practice gratitude, and enjoy the things you have. Do more with less. Save.
Put anything — something — away each month. You’ll be shocked at how quickly it adds up.
The popularity complex
I look back at high school now fondly, but the experience also leaves me a bit perplexed. I saw so many people obsessed with their social status. The going phrase to describe them was “He is so social.”
Yet even a few years removed from high school, so many of these dynamics ceased to matter. Many of these cliques no longer associated with each other. We were all pulled in different directions with college, careers, and even families.
So to the young person seeing this, know that it is all a mirage. Focus on school, spending time with genuine friends, and working to better your future. I can’t even name the vast majority of people from my high school, including the “popular” ones.
Your social media friends
I’ll admit I used to care about how many likes posts got on Facebook and Twitter. If I posted a picture, I’d relish if it got more than 100 likes, and feel this weird dopamine rush from it.
Over time, I realized this didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of life. The like button was little more than a means to keep me addicted in life.
In reality, one of the most important things you can do in life is maintain good friendships and connections. Research shows we should aspire to have five at a minimum. These connections boost our health, happiness, and even our income.
Remember that we are descendants of hyper-social apes, who live in groups, and know each other intimately. Facebook friends aren’t real friends. Currently, 50% of Americans are suffering from loneliness, which is highly detrimental. Per Dr. Jeremy Nobel, “Loneliness is a gap—between the social connections we have and the ones we want to have—and that gap can be closed by changing how we make sense of loneliness and seek to address it.”
The pandemic set us back several steps on this front and it’s time to be proactive in getting on the right footing.
It’s as Shakespeare wrote, “No man is an island.”
It isn’t really about the money
I still see annoying self-help gurus posing in front of sports cars, peacocking around in their fitted suits on LinkedIn.
It occurred to me years ago — the mere act of looking wealthy is an extraordinarily expensive hobby. You’ll always have a watch that’s not quite as nice as your neighbors. Your fancy electric car will be slightly less fuel efficient, and slightly less pretty than your friend’s special edition EV.
A silver medal is draped about your neck in perpetuity, leaving you lusting for more superficial objects.
I dated a woman who was completely engulfed in this style of thinking.
It was all she’d known. She grew up with a mother who was a gold digger and a father who was a wealthy CEO. Everything was always about owning the latest purse, and there was constant judgment over what others were doing and wearing.
I quickly realized this was a boring and insecure way to live.
We’d look at restaurants and she’d determine whether they were good based on how expensive the menu looked.
Eventually, as she went on and on about jewelry, I realized, “You know what—I can’t even afford this woman—let alone stand her.
The most egregious fights you’ve
If you listed the 10 biggest fights you’ve had with your current partner and your exes, your “greatest hits” so to speak — there’s a good chance you wouldn’t know what caused a few of them.
Sure, a boyfriend using your credit card without your permission, or him having dinner with an -ex who is still in love with him — might be grounds for a hearty debate.
Outside of that? Most fights are stupid. We are all going to die someday and a few of us are going to lament having wasted energy on idiotic fights that meant nothing.
I’ve had some really stupid fights, mostly as a younger man. And I’ve said things I wish I could take back. Anytime I catch myself getting worked up about something, I ask the qualifying question, “Will I care about this in 5 years?”
The answer is usually no.
Another thing I’ve learned
I was talking with a man at a networking event and we got to talking about colleges somehow. He was asking me for my stats in effect (where I went to college, where I worked, how much I made). In no uncertain terms, he was sizing me up.
Mid conversation and without context, he named the college he went to and said, “It’s basically the Harvard of the midwest.”
I chuckled and he said, “What?” Then I realized he wasn’t joking, so I waved it off.
There’s this weird need for people to brag and assert themselves and their status. It’s particularly egregious when it comes to matters of intelligence. I can’t think of many things more off-putting than someone mentioning their IQ score or having a MENSA badge on.
My friend works in HR for Facebook. They get tons of smart applicants. I asked him, “So, what do you do when MENSA is listed on a resume? Does it help them?”
He gave me this horrified glare, “Uh, no. I throw those resumes in the trash. It’s totally irrelevant to the job and shows a lack of self-awareness. It’s pretentious.”
Recap for memory: things that don’t matter in life
- Most of the fights you have with your partner. Statistically, they are so insignificant. Ask yourself, “Will I care about this in five years?” The answer is typically “No.”
- Looking rich and being hip. It’s an expensive image to upkeep.
- High school social hierarchies.
- How many followers or friends you have on Facebook. Make real friendships and connections your goal.
- Half the things you buy. Don’t fall into the hot tub trap. Most things end up not being used and are thrown away.
- Your IQ score. Spare us.
